Everytime I leave this blog for a long period of time and open it up, I want to cringe. I look over all my old posts and wonder, why the hell did I post that????
And then I remember that I was still growing up. Though aren't we always still growing up. There's never been a moment in my life where I woke up one day and said, hmm now I feel like an adult.
The truth is that you never truly do. You just feel more like yourself. When I was a teenager, I always felt so lost. I tried sticking with this blog as hard as possible. But I just couldn't do it. No matter how many times I logged back in and promised I would stick with it, I wouldn't. I had so many things going on in my head. Whether I was stressed out over my job or family and friends. I could never learn to cope with my feelings. I would just disappear from the world and hope it would all go away.
But so much has happened as I've grown up. Hell, I just had a baby about six weeks ago. God is she the best thing to ever happen to me. And best of all, she woke up my soul. I mean, yeah, I'm sleep deprived as hell, but my life literally has meaning to it. I have a reason to push forward and make it through the day.
I was always struggling to find my reasoning in life. I'm not saying that everyone who is struggling in life should go and have a baby. Because it's extremely hard as hell.
You have to give up what makes you you and learn to give yourself to that tiny little human you created. Because for now you are their everything and they need you more than ever. Hell sometimes I have to choose between eating, napping, or getting important shit done. It's not easy at all but to me, it's absolutely worth it.
And I would've never gotten to this point in my life if I never made mistakes. I used to be so paranoid that things were wrong with my body. I was absolutely convinced something was wrong with me (if you can't tell from all my old posts). God it's so cringe worthy that I want to delete them. But nobody in this world is perfect. I'm sure as hell not.
And that's the thing. We're all just human. We're not meant to be perfect. We feel as if we must be but we never will be.
And that's okay.