Skip to main content

The American Dream: Full of Depression

Hey everyone.

It's been a long time since I've posted, and I mean a long time. There's a lot I've been struggling with, and I wish more than ever that I'd quit using those struggles as an excuse to not post anything. That's something my generation is growing up to do is to use nothing but excuses, and I hate it!

The biggest thing I've been trying to overcome is anorexia. I'm not the a-typical anorexic. I'm not obsessed with being thin in any way. I actually despise being thin. I became anorexic a few years ago due to copious amounts of stress that overtook my life. Most of it was due to personal reasons, mostly due to my family and a relationship obstacle I went through. Going through all these things took a big chunk out of my life to the point where I wasn't sure what my life was anymore.

And for anyone who hasn't gone through depression, it's the hardest feeling in the world to explain. Not knowing why you exist, and not even being sure of whether life's existence is even worth it. It's a horrible thing to experience, and I've never stopped being that way.

Every day I'm trying to overcome it, and I'm sure once I beat my anorexia, the world will seem a little bit bright. At least I hope. But not eating sure takes a lot of joy out of my life. I don't do it on purpose, I promise. Just like those who eat too much when they're stressed, I don't eat when I'm stressed, and that's just as bad.

One thing I'll never understand is how the American Dream of having a stable job and going year by year doing the same thing is what most people aspire for. I have a well-paying job for my age, and honestly, I'm miserable. And that's because day after day, I feel like my whole life is being spent toward this job. I don't feel like I'm actually living for myself, not when I have to revolve my life around my job. And knowing that I might have to wait 40 years just to retire is enough to make me want to end my life. (I'm not the depressed. I have too many dreams to do that.) But seriously, that's not living in my opinion.

Living in my opinion is going day by day doing what you want to do, when you want to do it. I want to travel any time I want. I want to play video games day after day and not wake up super early in the morning stressed out about going to my job that gives me a migraine. But like everyone else, I'm still trying to figure out how. I need to figure out my life so that I don't have to live like this. Because if this is what life is all about, I don't want to live.

That may sound stupid, but how can I look forward to my life when it's dedicated to someone else and not me? That's why I'm trying my hardest to figure things out sooner rather than later, especially my dream of author. That's something I can never give up.

Now let me know. What's your dream?


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rosacea & Acne: Coconut Oil

So I'm continuing onward with my Rosacea & Acne posts. I see that these are what bring in the most views.

Now this is going to sound weird. In order to moisturize your skin, you need to use a natural oil.

And of course, you're thinking "But that'll make my skin oily!"

Well, yes, of course it does at first. But think about this for a moment. Your skin produces oils. When you use your harsh cleaners on your face, you strip all the oils off your skin. Which is totally not good for you. So what better way can you balance the oils on your skin? By replacing the oils with a natural oil: coconut oil, to be exact.

When I first started learning about natural remedies, I became intrigued by what I found. For I was determined to heal my scarring rosacea. My face was beat red, and I was embarrassed by it.

So I dropped all commercial products, picked up coconut oil and clay, and I was deteremined to win.

First of all, my skin gets super dry in the winter. So dry that when I put…

My Experience in Healing Rosacea & Acne: Bentonite Clay

So I've never really discussed my regime I use for my face, or actually what I used to use on my face. Am I confusing you already? Good. Because now you shall read on.

Most of you already know I have rosacea. It was very bad to begin with. There's a photo on one of my posts showing the pure redness across my nose and chin. Along with that, I had so many pimples and lots of cystic acne.

Now what do I think caused it? My overabuse of my skin using commercial products. My last post I tried to explain why these face washes are terrible for our skin. I mean, who wants to slatherPPG 15 Stearyl Ether all over their face? They use it in face wash, so why not? Would you still put it on your face, considering its a toxin? I sure as hell wouldn't. So what makes you think that face wash is safe.

Oh yeah, cause the big ole' FDA claims so. Well, guess what? The FDA doesn't give two f*cks about your acne. They need you to develop that acne in order to make them money through the Pha…

My Experience With Proactiv: Rosacea & Acne

Do those Proactiv comercials tempt you? Have you considered more than once on trying it? Are you on the borderline of giving into that temptation?

Well, please STOP, and read my story first.

I've used Proactiv, I have experience with the product, and I want to share my story with you guys. But I must backtrack almost 4 years ago to when I actually used it.

Actually, I'm going to backtrack a little farther back than that...

Well, here it goes:

When I was twelve-years-old, I had the most perfect, flawless skin a girl would die for, literally. I rarely had to use makeup because my skin was seriously that perfect. And it stayed that way for a good long time. I was selfish back then, not realizing how damn lucky I was. I can't imagine how many girls envied me.

But then, I got sucked into the world of society and started to feel the need to wear makeup, constantly. That was my first mistake. After I began wearing makeup as a need to feel "pretty," I started to develop a…