Skip to main content

Gaining Weight: If only

So as most of you know, I've been trying my best to gain weight, considering I'm extremely skinny. And by extremely skinny, I mean, my hip bones pop out and my joints are suffering from malnutrition. It's a case many girls face in this nation.

And I've figured out why I've gotten this skinny and why I can't dig my way out.

Well, at the beginning of my freshman year of high school, my mother put me through extreme hell. She forced me to play volleyball, on a team with a bunch of backstabbing girls who attempted to steal my boyfriend in 8th grade. So I would come home every single day and ball my eyes out because she made me hate my life. How could a mother force her child to live through hell? Sometimes I swear she's bipolar. I would literally cry my eyes out at my boyfriend's grandmother's house all the time, and I wanted to quit so badly. But my mom threated me, telling me that if I quit, I wouldn't be allowed to see my boyfriend.

So then came the worst, I was becoming so depressed to the point where I couldn't eat. And then the weight loss happened. I lost 15 pounds in this hell part of my life, and my mom screamed at me for it. She would weigh me every day when I woke up, and she would threaten me with it as well. I literally hated my life at this point. I mean, no wonder kids contemplate suicide so much because if I didn't have my boyfriend, I would've been that kid.

It pisses me off so bad that my mom could do such a cruel thing to me. She wanted me to do what she wanted me to do, even if it was freaking killing me inside. Whatever happened to it being my life?

I could never put my kid through that, never in a million damn years.

But it didn't stop there. My mom was obsessed, literally obsessed with my grades. My sophmore year, I received a B in Spanish, and she screamed at me so badly for it that I sat on the floor and cried. And she didn't care. She threated me again with not seeing my boyfriend, and I only got worse because this is supposed to be my life, nots hers.

And the hell kept coming. My senior year she wouldn't stop bothering me about grades. I had f*cking As in all classes, yet she screamed at me if I received a bad grade on a test. I mean, why the f*ck did it even matter? I'm not going to college, so who gives two sh*ts about grades? Nobody is going to come to me later in life and hold a gun to my head because of grades. It's f*cking bullsh*t what parents put their kids through because of these so-called grades. Like are you freaking kidding me? A grade does not define your child.

The lead singer from Disturbed freaking dropped out of high school for hellsake! And he's rich as a motherf*cker.

It angers me that kids go through so much hell over imaginary grades that do not determine your life.

This is why I cannot put my kids, if I ever have any, through the school system. I don't want them to learn of all this. They don't need to feel like imaginary letters define their lives. It's not right.

And this is why I have never been able to gain weight. Because it still follows me to this day. I become so stressed still to the point where I cannot eat properly.

Sometimes I don't believe it's possible for me to gain weight. I mean, I'm not annorexic. Never have been. I love to eat. I never wanted to be this skinny. But all of this stress has put my stomach through hell. I would get so stressed to the point where my stomach would hurt every single morning.

And I don't know if I can recover from any of it. At least not until I get my own house and my own food.


Popular posts from this blog

Rosacea & Acne: Coconut Oil

So I'm continuing onward with my Rosacea & Acne posts. I see that these are what bring in the most views.

Now this is going to sound weird. In order to moisturize your skin, you need to use a natural oil.

And of course, you're thinking "But that'll make my skin oily!"

Well, yes, of course it does at first. But think about this for a moment. Your skin produces oils. When you use your harsh cleaners on your face, you strip all the oils off your skin. Which is totally not good for you. So what better way can you balance the oils on your skin? By replacing the oils with a natural oil: coconut oil, to be exact.

When I first started learning about natural remedies, I became intrigued by what I found. For I was determined to heal my scarring rosacea. My face was beat red, and I was embarrassed by it.

So I dropped all commercial products, picked up coconut oil and clay, and I was deteremined to win.

First of all, my skin gets super dry in the winter. So dry that when I put…

My Experience in Healing Rosacea & Acne: Bentonite Clay

So I've never really discussed my regime I use for my face, or actually what I used to use on my face. Am I confusing you already? Good. Because now you shall read on.

Most of you already know I have rosacea. It was very bad to begin with. There's a photo on one of my posts showing the pure redness across my nose and chin. Along with that, I had so many pimples and lots of cystic acne.

Now what do I think caused it? My overabuse of my skin using commercial products. My last post I tried to explain why these face washes are terrible for our skin. I mean, who wants to slatherPPG 15 Stearyl Ether all over their face? They use it in face wash, so why not? Would you still put it on your face, considering its a toxin? I sure as hell wouldn't. So what makes you think that face wash is safe.

Oh yeah, cause the big ole' FDA claims so. Well, guess what? The FDA doesn't give two f*cks about your acne. They need you to develop that acne in order to make them money through the Pha…

My Experience With Proactiv: Rosacea & Acne

Do those Proactiv comercials tempt you? Have you considered more than once on trying it? Are you on the borderline of giving into that temptation?

Well, please STOP, and read my story first.

I've used Proactiv, I have experience with the product, and I want to share my story with you guys. But I must backtrack almost 4 years ago to when I actually used it.

Actually, I'm going to backtrack a little farther back than that...

Well, here it goes:

When I was twelve-years-old, I had the most perfect, flawless skin a girl would die for, literally. I rarely had to use makeup because my skin was seriously that perfect. And it stayed that way for a good long time. I was selfish back then, not realizing how damn lucky I was. I can't imagine how many girls envied me.

But then, I got sucked into the world of society and started to feel the need to wear makeup, constantly. That was my first mistake. After I began wearing makeup as a need to feel "pretty," I started to develop a…