What? Skinny, you say? But...but everyone wants to be thin.
Well, I have a confession. I feel too skinny, and it's a battle I try to fight every single day. Yes, being overweight is hard; so is being skinny. Each require daily commitments. I will never bash on anyone who is trying to lose weight because I know how you feel in a way. It's an impossible struggle; well, gaining weight is the same exact way.
Here's where it all started: Three years ago, I randomly lost weight, not exactly sure why it happened. It was not because of my vegetarianism because this happened before I turned into one. I actually lost 15 pounds, and let me tell you, I'm quite a skinny minnie to begin with. I didn't realize it at first; I thought everyone was crazy when they said I looked too skinny.
Okay. Maybe not everyone said so, but my own mom did. But she did so in a bad way. She made me feel like crap every day of my life. She threatened me to gain weight and would weigh me every single morning. I hated my life back then, to the extreme. To this day, she denies every second of it, but it's burned into the back of my brain, not something I can ever forget.
But don't feel sorry for me. I've come to terms with what I'm stuck with in life. These experiences have helped shaped me into who I am. Yes, sometimes I feel sad that I don't have the mother that's caring and helpful, but my boyfriend helps me make it through every day.
Any who, the other day I reminisced and looked at some old photos, then flipped to the newer ones I have of me and my boyfriend. Well, when I got to the more recent ones, I gasped. I have definitely lost weight.
But. I don't have an eating disorder, I promise. That's not the case at all, even though my mom likes to blame it on my vegetarianism which she's still not very accepting of.
Let me give you an idea of what I look like. I'm 5'1 and 96 pounds. That's actually not a very low weight considering I used to be 91 pounds a year ago. I envy so many girls that have curves, and the ones whose bones don't stick out. (Only my hip bones poke out). I used to weigh 105.
But I'm committed to gaining weight, so anyone who's on the same boat as me, let's take this journey together! Nobody in this day and age talks about gaining weight because the American diet has caused many to gain too much weight.
I have learned about energy balance and how my body uses up more of my calories than I eat. In order for me to gain weight, I'd have to eat more. Not that big of a problem, well just a little. My goal is to eat 3 thousand, yes 3 thousand, calories a day to gain weight. I'd be breaking my meals up into 500 calories each. Now that's the tricky part. In order to do this, I'd have to wake up early, about 7 or 8ish. But I just can't wake up early no matter how hard I try. Summer break screws up my sleeping schedule.
So my overall goal is to eat 3 thousand calories a day, that's 1 thousand more than usual. I wish I could be 110 pounds, but we'll see how things go.
If I begin to gain weight, I'll be sure to post about it. But that probably won't be for quite a while.
Does anyone else share my pain of trying to gain weight?