Thursday, September 26, 2013

Depression Takes Anyone.

No matter who you are, what you are, how much money you make, how popular you are, what ethnicity, sexuality, etc. Depression could give two sh!ts about that.

I should know. I am one of those people plagued by it. And it's not fun. And it's not easy.

It comes and goes without warning. Some days I wake up happy. Others I just want to lay in bed all day.

It all started last year when some personal things in my life went haywire. I couldn't get a grip on life because everything I once had was crumbling.

But without this crippling depression, I would've never wrote my novel. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

But that also brings the worst out of me. Because I've realized I want nothing more than to become an author. I have no other dreams or aspirations other than to write endlessly for my life. It's what I love more than anything, and it makes me feel so alive.

Publishing it is another story. It's a hard process. There's queries, synopsis, agents, publishers, editors. More than you could ever imagine it would take to published a book. And the hardest part of it all is the query. It's basically a pitch to an agent to get the to consider reading your book. And queries ultimately suck.

With my current book, I have literally written over 50 queries. Some were terrible. Some came close.

It takes time to develop the craft of a query. I may have finally gotten there, but I'm not sure.

But I must wait and see what agents say.

Which brings my depression on even harder. Cause what happens if I can't succeed?

I have no other dreams to rely on. No other aspirations. Just writing.

And if that doesn't happen, I'm doomed.

But that also makes me believe that I have what it takes. Because writing to me is more than just writing. It's about putting my heart and soul on pages. It's about characters that follow me around in my daily life.

When you're a writer, people will think you're crazy. I literally have characters come to me in visions and beg for me to write their story. (Yup, my inner crazy author self. I told ya so.)

But I won't let this depression take me down. This is my dream. It has to happen. I know I am destined to be an author. And I will make that happen.

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