So it's been quite a long time since I've blogged about anything, and well, I have life to blame for that one. I've been going through a load of depression lately, and it just never seems to get better. I blame school for it mainly, especially since it's ruined my life so much.
I don't remember if I told you guys this or not, but for the past four years, I've had horrible stomach problems and post nasal drip. I always thought the post nasal drip caused my horrible stomach pains every morning because I have so much mucus in the morning that I have no other option that to try and get it out. It's super hard to explain how I do it. It's almost like the opposite of swallowing, which I'm pretty sure causes my acid reflux to kick up since I'm basically brining everything up my throat. But it sucks because I have to, or I basically almost choke on the mucus. And it's become a habit that I can't stop because the mucus just will not go away.
Anywho, a while ago, I started noticing some weird symptoms that I never paid too much attention to. I've always had dizzy spells for a long time, but they seemed more frequent when I ate wheat. And after I ate wheat, my stomach would grumble and feel all weird. Then after a long day of eating wheat, hours aftering eating, my stomach would bloat insanely.
So I decided to go off gluten. I mean, what the hell, why not? Can't hurt.
So I did. And the next morning, my stomach didn't hurt whatsoever. Maybe it was all in my head? Second day I thought my stomach was about to hurt, but it didn't. Five continous days of no stomach pains. Then, family came around, basically forcing food down my face, so I gave in and ate gluten. Worst mistake ever. My stomach hurt so bad the next morning.
It's hard to describe the pain that my stomach endures. It fills with this immense pressure, and if I press on that area, it makes me want to puke. Not fun.
Oh, and the days that I didn't eat gluten, my constipation disappeared. My bowels weren't perfect, but they were working. And...I started gaining weight. Not dramatically, but more easily that I did when I tried to shove food down my face 24/7.
I honestly believe it's the gluten, and everything I say above narrows it down to gluten. Worst part is that I have no energy in me to try and eat healthier. I want to more than anything, but I just can't. I get overwhelmed by this sense of hopelessness, and I give up. I keep telling myself that when I move out of my house and into an apartment that I'll be able to eat healthy and be healthy. School and living at home doesn't give me any motivation. I feel like I'm being forced to live a way that I hate, and I basically am being forced. This is why I give up because I know I can't win.
I only have one more month of school, or should I say hell. So maybe things will turn out for the better once it's gone forever.