Friday, August 24, 2012

Where is the Light?

Have you ever wondered when life will ever get better? I don't know about you, but for me, I have asked this question all my life. And things have been getting worse over the past week.

First of all, high school is my number one cause of depression. I wish I would have graduated early because I literally hate it. I don't know how kids worship their senior year because I want it to be over with right now. All it does is cause me stress, and the school itself screws me over.

I had so many plans this year to kick-start my future. I only need two classes to graduate, so I wanted to leave really early every day and go to work and be done early with my day. But no, the school won't let me because of "legal" reasons. So I'm forced to stay and take classes I don't want to be in and don't feel like doing sh!t in. It's completely unfair. They do let you leave an hour or two early, but there's strings attached like: you must work Mon-Fridays. I can't possibly do that and be happy because my days would completely suck. I'd go to school, go to work, then come home and sleep. How is that a life? And plus, I'd starve to death.

I really wanted to work 5 days a week though so I could save up for an apartment and move out of my house. But now, my plans are screwed over. And it angers me. I feel like school has ruined my life. And even worse. I wanted to take two piano classes because I love piano and didn't want to take a class that required thinking. But they won't let me do it and I don't understand why. It's a class that's self-paced, so it's complete bullsh!it that they won't let me.

And if things couldn't possibly get worse this week. My boyfriend wrecked his car. Completely smashed the front end because another car slammed on their breaks. Good thing is that he came out completely okay which I'm grateful for. But it breaks my heart because I know how much he adores his car and takes pride in it. He's not like the other kids. It's a used car. But all these other kids at school are on their second brand new cars, even though their first ones had nothing wrong with them. So many kids have expensive new cars. And it angers me so much because nothing ever happens to these brats but people like us get screwed over, and we don't deserve it.

I keep waiting every day for life to finally turn around and for things to get better. But I'm tired of waiting. This waiting is making me sick. It's literally tearing me apart inside. I just want to be done with school. I want to move into an apartment with my boyfriend because he's what makes me most happy in this life, and we've been together for basically 6 years (4 years continually) and we deserve it. We've gone through so much hell in the past 4 years, and it feels like things will never get better. I'm so tired of waiting for the future.

I may not post for a while, so I hope this lets you understand. Plus, I just needed to rant because I'm so frustrated with life.


  1. well I'd like to say how I despised high school as well. No way was it the best years of my life, I would have to laugh at the people who told me it would be. We're so young in high school, barely even know what life is about, nor what we want to do in it. If I spent my "glory years" in high school, what would I have to look forward to for the rest of my long life? College life, or rather life after high school definitely gets better :). You do your own thing, not having such strict regulations that high school is all about.
    It's awesome you're already knowledgable about health, food, and our society. It's a wonderful start to fuel you in the right direction!
    Something we will all learn in life (especially as one ages) is that shit the worst of times, even the most unexpected times. but that's life! Just somethin' we gotta deal with. You'll see in time how everything that happens in life, good or bad, pays off in the end. It may sound cheesy but it truly does make a person stronger. You learn to appreciate all of the good too.
    But yeah, sometimes the "rich kids" may seem like they have it easy, but you're the fortunate one. You're the one who's not using artificial makeups, eating GMO foods, etc. You're contributing to your health and the right way to go about living and feeling awesome and happy. Those kids who can't even appreciate their first car will never get to that level. how can one ever reach happiness living like that...

    1. I love reading your thoughts! I am surprised by how knowledgeable I am, but it's all thanks to my brother for shedding the light for me. I do sometimes laugh at all the other kids in school because they just live so...horribly. Everyone cares too much about everyone else. They don't live for themselves. Girls fry their hair and douse their skin in harsh chemicals and for what? A guy who likes the fake them? And it's scary when nobody cares about what's in their food. That grosses me out! They don't question anything and just go along with the flow. I, on the other hand, question everything now. Nothing is as it seems.

      If I ever had a kid...(which is not likely because I don't want them to live in this world), they'd be smarter than half of America combined!