Thursday, July 19, 2012

My Fight Against Being Skinny

What? Skinny, you say? But...but everyone wants to be thin.

Well, I have a confession. I feel too skinny, and it's a battle I try to fight every single day. Yes, being overweight is hard; so is being skinny. Each require daily commitments. I will never bash on anyone who is trying to lose weight because I know how you feel in a way. It's an impossible struggle; well, gaining weight is the same exact way.

Here's where it all started: Three years ago, I randomly lost weight, not exactly sure why it happened. It was not because of my vegetarianism because this happened before I turned into one. I actually lost 15 pounds, and let me tell you, I'm quite a skinny minnie to begin with. I didn't realize it at first; I thought everyone was crazy when they said I looked too skinny.

Okay. Maybe not everyone said so, but my own mom did. But she did so in a bad way. She made me feel like crap every day of my life. She threatened me to gain weight and would weigh me every single morning. I hated my life back then, to the extreme. To this day, she denies every second of it, but it's burned into the back of my brain, not something I can ever forget.

But don't feel sorry for me. I've come to terms with what I'm stuck with in life. These experiences have helped shaped me into who I am. Yes, sometimes I feel sad that I don't have the mother that's caring and helpful, but my boyfriend helps me make it through every day.

Any who, the other day I reminisced and looked at some old photos, then flipped to the newer ones I have of me and my boyfriend. Well, when I got to the more recent ones, I gasped. I have definitely lost weight.

But. I don't have an eating disorder, I promise. That's not the case at all, even though my mom likes to blame it on my vegetarianism which she's still not very accepting of.

Let me give you an idea of what I look like. I'm 5'1 and 96 pounds. That's actually not a very low weight considering I used to be 91 pounds a year ago. I envy so many girls that have curves, and the ones whose bones don't stick out. (Only my hip bones poke out). I used to weigh 105.

But I'm committed to gaining weight, so anyone who's on the same boat as me, let's take this journey together! Nobody in this day and age talks about gaining weight because the American diet has caused many to gain too much weight.

I have learned about energy balance and how my body uses up more of my calories than I eat. In order for me to gain weight, I'd have to eat more. Not that big of a problem, well just a little. My goal is to eat 3 thousand, yes 3 thousand, calories a day to gain weight. I'd be breaking my meals up into 500 calories each. Now that's the tricky part. In order to do this, I'd have to wake up early, about 7 or 8ish. But I just can't wake up early no matter how hard I try. Summer break screws up my sleeping schedule.

So my overall goal is to eat 3 thousand calories a day, that's 1 thousand more than usual. I wish I could be 110 pounds, but we'll see how things go.

If I begin to gain weight, I'll be sure to post about it. But that probably won't be for quite a while.

Does anyone else share my pain of trying to gain weight?
~Kai

5 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can't say that I share the pain of gaining weight, but I and others do consider myself thin. I actually enjoy and embrace it a lot. I can eat all day long!!! Of course it's all healthy stuff but it's SO awesome. My friends are jealous of me, but that's because they probably eat pizza and fast food all the time which accounts for my sodium intake for a few months. I used to be pretty chubby as a child and would get teased by "friends" and even family about it for several years until I lost weight.
    You could probably say that's the root of where I get my satisfaction of being thin from, maybe I even have some BDD because there are times when I consider myself "fat." For real though, anytime I have those thoughts I realize it's ridiculous.
    My mother always thought I was too skinny too and always forced me to eat simple carbs, dessert, and dairy (lol) growing up. So healthy, right? She doesn't like my plant-based diet now, but she accepts it because she realizes that she cannot control me anymore.I started cooking for myself in high school and after I moved out of the house, currently a senior in college, things got a lot better.
    Honestly though, if you're happy/content being skinny then embrace it! There's tons of variety out there and curvy isn't always the best. I have some guy friends who LOVE skinny/tiny (bones and all) girls and they don't want anyone else. Of course though, if you're not a fan of super thin then gain weight by all means :)
    I wish you luck on your journey, not on gaining weight, but finding happiness within yourself no matter how much you weigh. You'll do awesome for sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awhh. Thanks for your long wonderful comment. I love getting comments like this. It's not like I hate being skinny. My body just doesn't feel right sometimes. Like going to sleep on my sides causes weird pains I never had before, and now, my stomach is starting to give me really bad pains when I didn't eat very much the day before but goes away once I eat. I'm now realizing though that it's more about being healthy, rather than fitting this "perfect" image our society depicts for us.

      Again, thanks for your wonderful, supportive comment. :)

      Delete
    2. Of course, it's the truth and I'm happy to be of support :). There are times I can't even sit on a seat for extended periods of time without my butt bones hurting lol but whatever, I'm happy with my thinness..Pros and cons to everything in life. Also, thin or heavy, most people's stomachs hurt if they don't eat! And yes you got it right, be yourself and in that is perfection :)

      Delete
  3. New Diet Taps into Pioneering Plan to Help Dieters Lose 20 Pounds within Just 21 Days!

    ReplyDelete